For lack of a better word, I will call this creature “fresh pile of
warm dog shit”.
RJ
A
lesson in Etiquette….
Story:
Not long ago, I came upon an interesting creature.
There in the middle of the road it sat.
Squatting on the warm earth, as if not a care in the world.
Oblivious to and ignorant of my presence. I felt
slightly miffed, slighted in an obvious way.
My good nature surmised the tiny creature surely was not bothering
anyone, was motionless and perhaps dead. Upon closer
inspection, it was soon obvious to me, I was looking at its
back. It is not often I laugh at myself, but this was special. Furthermore, I was relieved to find out the waif was not ignoring me after all;
it simply didn’t see me nor
hear my soft approach. No harm done;
however, short and squat as it was, a person would have thought it more cautious
of the world around it and as such garnered an opportunity to
display the respect, larger, more intelligent creatures like myself
require. Also, that same insight would have given it the opportunity to
further its position in my graces, by moving to one side of the road or the
other! Yet, to my displeasure, there it lay, basking in the
serenity of the morning sun, oblivious to my presence!
I have to admit, I was insulted the intentional manner it conveys indifference!
I have met many people who’ve displayed similar traits, but never so
bold a creature or unerring display as this.
I shall make note of this instance for lively entertainment at dinner, one
cannot be too careful, lest someone finds out and you had not the opportunity to
defended your name first. I finally lowered myself to its' level.
While holding my head close to the ground, I stared at it a few moments
and as customary, waited for some semblance of acknowledgement!
As I moved closer, I noticed steam rising from the little fellow.
This morning is cool, so either I made it mad or this creature has a warm
heart! I chose to think the latter.
Upon closer inspection I also detected a certain degree of heat emanating from
his small, delicate torso. To
this day I don’t know if it was my presence that enticed the creature, but
when I addressed it and asked for a show of courtesy and step aside, its reply
was a rude, disgusting odor that if not respected, would surely produce deadly
consequences! I staggered back on
the heels of my boots, damn near falling over!
After this flagrant display of arrogance, I was once again summarily
ignored; furthermore, It was bordering on contempt! This
vile menace proved its’ inferiority by its’ obnoxious behavior, and
here I am getting mad! All-the-while I
was trying graciously to strike-up dialog between species, I get an etiquette
slap in the face! The rancorous odor
the creature was presently emitting was overpowering; what the hell is it I
wondered?
My voice somewhat muffled by my left hand as I covering my nostrils while
I spoke, I pleaded with the whelp to surrender the road!
To my disdain, still no reply! To
make things worse, the warmth of its manner was quickly leaving its persona!
There was very little heat emanating from it now; coupled with its’
indignant silence, I felt this insulting waif was implying my presence caused
the riff! To imply I lacked
sufficient ranking to earn its favor was another slap!
I
am not an aggressive person; however, the idea of this upstart feigning superiority
over me, an obvious gentleman one hundred times its size and intellect is
proving too much! I am not a
physically aggressive person, but dues need to be paid before I’m treated that
way! Mind you, not because I can,
but right is right and I will not put up with insult after silent insult!
This fool has shot volley after volley with its’ silence, and
all the while, without a retort of my own! I
thought to myself, “I am bigger than this!”
Slow down, don’t play its game. I told
myself, you are the one in control of this situation, fear not!
After
all, you are the intellectual here, right? I
could feel a childhood devilish smile growing from the corners of my lips as I silently whispered, I have
it! I will simply pick it up and
move it out of the way! After all,
what can it do? I see no weapons,
what can happen? Using my superior
intellect, this small, impertinent creature will learn lessons in strength and etiquette
today! I will accomplish two things.
First, clear my path, and second, prove who the more genteel.
As an added bonus, this tiny creature will finally know who is really in
charge! I am a man of obvious breeding and
temperament, and I have inherited responsibility and knowledge that refinement
commands one be careful with intellect, generous with patience and compassion! A great responsibility
comes with knowledge and grace and my breeding demands a conscious!
Heraldry cannot be wielded like a sword; smiting the helpless and
ignorant garners favor from no one. And as in this case, one must also be careful not to alienate the subject
of the lesson from the teacher. Manners
being paramount, one must use grace and compassion when teaching by example.
It is sometimes better to loose an argument with grace than to win by
mediocrity and white knuckles! Insomuch, I took a large leaf off a nearby bush and ever-so-gently
slid the massive leaf under the offending creature; all the while, smiling in a
pleasing manner so as not to offend. I’m
happy to say there wasn’t a struggle and my act was worthy of an ovation.
As I whisked the small creature to the side of the path and gently set it
down, I didn’t gloat, I should have, but I didn't! Instead, and
in a consoling tone, I said “there, there, now that wasn’t so bad, was it?
Why I expected a reply is beyond me, yet I swear the little fellow
smiled! Finally, acknowledgement, I
became almost giddy!
I must be getting through! For
a moment, I thought inroads in civility had been made.
Moments later however, my gracious intentions were soiled by the
creatures instinctive defenses; the shear intensity and release of its invisible
odor permeated the breathable air around us.
My stomach started to convulse and I almost wet myself!
I’m sure this is simply some kind of crude, impulse defense mechanism.
Not harmful in a physical way, yet terribly obnoxious to the senses.
With my stomach convulsing, and puke working its’ way up my esophagus,
it was all I could do to remain erect and not drop to my knees and vomit!
The stench was overpowering! A
person with a weak stomach might have lost all composure!
My years of breeding won through! I being the constant gentleman, fought the urge and won!
While moving the creature, I accidentally touched one of it’s’ arms and came
away with an odorous secretion which I quickly wiped off; however, its acidic bile had already permeated my skin and left a brown stain!
No physical pain was noticed, just a slight tingling, yet I feel the
lingering, rancid odor will have to wear off! I
now understand why these soft, un-aggressive creatures have no natural enemies.
Alas, I feel it is I who has come out the better for this untactful
confrontation. I’m sure my point
has been made! I hope my efforts and
well intentioned lesson in etiquette helps this docile, little fellow to avoid
future confrontations between it and other creatures living in the environment
we share. I feel good about taking
the time to show by example and not fly off the handle like some I know. I bask
in the solace I have remained a genteel through the whole, unfortunate
episode. Who knows, the small creature may have been hurt, had a cur happened along
instead of a gentleman like me, the beads and cross would have come out! Knowledge is ‘key’, and must be controlled
by the bearer. There is no excuse
for bad manners, regardless of enticement or goading.
Again, I feel my obvious cultural superiority has prevailed; and
furthermore, feel I have represented my betters in exquisite grace.
Enough said.
For lack of a better word, I will call this creature “fresh pile of
warm dog shit”.
RJ