The Devil in the other room…

    Story:  Although not one to preach; reality is rarely a reflection of what I am thinking.  How many of us interpret what goes on around us as slightly askew of reality.   Here is an example of what I mean:  More often than not, I’ve found myself lacking and wanting when strength and resourcefulness is required.  When fighting my demons, I never win, I never loose!  I’m not sure ’weak’ is the proper word to describe this feeling which overtakes me; nevertheless, it does reflect certain attributes regarding my assertiveness when dealing with demons, or the lack thereof.  True, the visions in my mind are constant reminders of what I should not do.  These visions plague us all too some degree.  Yet, in my case and during the course of a week, there are many times I am unable to concentrate on the task at hand because subtle preoccupation with vices of all kinds creep in and simply ruin any chance of quality time.  You know, accomplishment.  Ergo, even to the novice, my accomplishments mimic luck rather than skill.  Subtle clues regarding my inability to function at 100% surround me; and insomuch, I am constantly reminded of the quality of my work.  Sloppy work, articles thrown about, random outbursts and mood swings all point to a preoccupation with something else.  As humans we are not all created equal, regardless of what you may have heard.  Stronger, bigger, fairer, prettier, handsomer, wiser, smarter, taller, and the list goes on.  None of us start the race with equal assets as perceived by the norm.  That being said, the majority of life’s decisions are left up to us, no one else!  Smoking, drinking, drugs, jobs, character, etc., it’s all in the bag.   That is why the fear of dieing of complications we could have avoided seems to follow us our whole lives; although more pronounced the older we get.  We were told not to, and we did it anyway!  Those constant reminders like the decadence of failure and the rarity of conquest.  I realized early on I will never see through walls; yet there is no doubt in my mind, just on the other side, death and ecstasy co-exist!  Ever-so-sweetly they call to me as if a friend!  The demon is waiting to be wakened by mortals and calls to those who it can manipulate.  Those who are very familiar with its scent, texture, and taste know all too well what lurks beyond the wall.   The fight is never-ending.  Will my nemesis make the first move?  I fear it already has!  Until now I have gained and maintained control.  I will not be duped as before, thinking there is no harm.  In fact, many times the enticement has all the appearances of a friend you haven't seen for some time.  But alas, the smart ones know this is just part of the illusion, part of the game.  For the enemy wears many masks and always the one you like the most.  I will not be a willing participant in the devils’ game for any price!  I am the strong one in this room!  I jokingly tell myself, “if I ignore it, it will vanish”.  Sounds crazy, right?  Yet, that is just what millions of people tell themselves every day!  My wife swears she knows nothing about it.  She swears she didn’t bring it home and doesn’t know how it got in the house; yet we both know it’s in the other room, waiting.  Anything's possible I tell myself.  After all, does it really matter how the demon got into our house?  The fact that its here only means we are human.  It only means we fail at times, not that we didn’t try.  I have heard stories of others, less fortunate who have succumbed to their worst fears, they gave in.  You can see it in their eyes as they pass on the street.  You can see it in the stores when they are shopping, looking at tags.  They have paid dearly for their infractions, and they know it!  One look at them and you think, ‘lucky to be alive, I say!’  For the grace of God, go I!  Who can blame them?  Who can blame any of us?  Day after day of constant reminders and temptations, and for what, I ask?  Blessed are the innocent I say!  Like torture, who amongst us can last forever, who I ask?  I’ve seen grown men brought to tears, women seemingly possessed, sulking around the house at night after their husbands gone to bed!  Faint noises in the dark, heavy breathing and the scent of failure permeate your nostrils.  Women and men forced to live with their little secrets and lies.  Oh, it was old so I threw it out, she says.   Yea right, I say, I’m a believer.  Larceny in their actions and deceit on their lips, no one’s immune.  You can’t blame mortals for being mortal.  The devil is in the other room, and I’ll not meet his gaze! 

    For lack of a better word, I will call this devil, ‘the last Cream filled Éclair’.  RJ